Just a Little Honesty

I have started writing probably five times in the last few days and completely stopped each post midway through completion based on the negative tones they were taking. Now I know that it is up to me to choose my attitude, and one of those choices is to stay positive and upbeat.

In all honesty at the moment, there is a whole lot of negative swirling around and it’s just done its best to beat the living daylights out of me. I’ve never been a real “fake it til you make it guy.” It never has been easy for me to hide any sense of my emotions. I think that’s why when writing, no matter how it starts out, the current hurt or struggle finds itself spilling out.
Now don’t read this post and get me wrong, I know that God is faithful to be with me at all times; I know that He never leaves or forsakes me; and I know that I am being perfected during these trials and tests, and that these trials and tests are momentary and light compared to that perfection that He is bringing through them. It’s just that, at this current moment, I’m a little beat up; and I suppose I’ve been telling myself while trying to write something that you all need to know.
I know the verses from 2 Corinthians 4, and I know the song that they inspired. I believe them and have spoken them throughout this and many other times in my life.

we are afflicted in every way, but not crushed; perplexed, but not despairing; persecuted,
but not forsaken; struck down, but not destroyed; (2 Corinthians 4:8, 9)

 Knowing these truths doesn’t make these things hurt any less while I am going through them, and yes I know we have and are going through various things. We all have our wounds; I’m certainly not looking for any sympathy or pity in writing these things. They are certainly toward the bottom of the list of things I need. I am writing this as an acknowledgement that those things are there and to thank each one of you who stood with me through them. But more than that I thank God that through each one He has given me the strength to never want to give up.
I may be pressed, but I’m not crushed.
I am perplexed but not in despair.
I have seen my fair share of persecution, but I’ve never been forsaken.
And every time I’ve been struck down , I’ve never been destroyed.
So there you have it; I’ve not intended to write these things out, but they are certainly the things that needed to come out. Thank you for indulging me and also for your prayers. I am nothing without God and little without those He has placed in my life.

14 Responses to “Just a Little Honesty”

  1. Susan Taylor says:

    Your blog design is really nice! Sending you positive thoughts as you walk through the tough stuff. Thank you for sharing.

  2. philip says:

    Thanks Susan for the compliment and the positive thoughts. My brother actually put this together for me.

  3. You ever read the Psalms? Those guys knew how to be negative (and possibly bi-polar). I know exactly what you mean though. I think sometimes we get the impression that what we feel is bad, but when we can be honest about it and bring it into the light, God can begin the healing. Thanks Philip.

  4. Rachel Robbins says:

    I have recently been writing also! I’ve never really done it but it definitely helps! I am constantly amazed by your strength and commitment to God! I am so very blessed by you and always have been. My prayers are always with you! Life is hard and confusing and if there is anyone that knows that I know it’s you, but if anyone knows God’s faithfulness through it all and strength and courage that’s also you! Anyway, thank you for always being a blessing and a friend! Love, Rachel

    • philip says:

      Thanks Rach, I appreciate you and your family more than I could ever express. Thanks for reading and taking the time to comment.

  5. floyd says:

    I’m praying for you Philip. Whatever difficult times your working through, God either causes or allows, which means you couldn’t be in a better place. He has plans for your life and your time of seasoning is preparing you for them. Hang tough my brother! The God of the cosmos is on our side… and He is victorious!

    • philip says:

      Thanks Floyd, you definitely speak the truth. I decided a long time ago that there is no other life worth living, so I just have to hold on. He has made it worth it so far, I have no doubt he will continue. Thanks for your prayers.

  6. I appreciate the honesty and since I feel the same way today…I think I can relate. Praying for you and thanks for the encouragement in the midst of your battle!

  7. Dax says:

    John Maxwell gave this quote in one of his leadership teachings, and I wrote it down as a reminder to myself: “I’m never down. I’m either up or getting up.”

  8. Angi says:

    I’ve never been a “fake it ’til you make it” type of person either. I’ve tried faking before…usually lasts about 10 minutes before I give up. I actually enjoy reading the Psalms during times like that (which is frequently these days). I feel like David has some of the best expressions of what it’s like to feel alone and downtrodden, but there is always the “BUT GOD…” afterward. It’s encouraging knowing people have gone before who felt the same way on occasion!

    • philip says:

      Definitely love reading the Psalms and knowing that the struggles aren’t unique no matter how unique they are. God is the same and faithful to pick us up just as He did David.