Life Lessons: Don’t Waste the Sauce

This is a first segment of an undetermined number of posts called life lessons

If there’s one lesson I’ve learned in my life, it’s that you don’t waste the sauce. Don’t get me wrong, I’ve learned plenty of others, but that’s the one I have a funny story about today.

The year was 1990 something and I was between the ages of 10-13 or there about. The point is I learned a lesson, I’m just a little fuzzy on the actual timing of it being taught but I am clear on the lesson itself.

Our basketball coach took the guys in my class out to lunch at a local eating establishment. As we enjoyed the food and each other’s company, the focus began to shift to the bottle of spicy mustard that was placed on the table. It tends to happen when you have a group of guys no matter the age, and this setting was no exception. The dares started coming furiously on who would eat said spicy mustard in varying degrees. We began to see that it was a formidable opponent and none of us wanted anything to do with it.

I honestly don’t remember how what happened next transpired. There was a glass of water that was sitting in front of me that went from clear to murky very quickly. I didn’t dump the mustard into the water, but I was far from innocent in the ordeal. I was laughing and not trying to stop it in anyway.

Our waiter came back to our table, and apparently had dealt with people wasting “the sauce” one too many times. At least I hope he hadn’t done this to multiple people. He came to remove our plates from the table and caught a glimpse of the yellow mustard which apparently made him see red. What happened next seemed like a bad SNL sketch. He picked up the bottle of mustard and started screaming. None of this is exaggerated for this blog; it all went down like this.

“You waste the sauce? You waste the sauce? I show you waste the sauce!!!”

At this point he is spraying what is left of the mustard all over the table which in turn splashed all over me and my buddy sitting next to me. I was completely traumatized. His last battle cry rang out.


From that day forward, I have made every attempt to use all of the sauce which I have put upon my plate. I for one never want hot mustard sprayed at me again. I never saw that waiter in the restaurant again; so I can only assume he lost his job teaching me that lesson. He was not fired in vain as the message was received loud and clear.

Have you ever had a waiter lose it on you? How do you feel about spicy mustard?

Top three songs

Joy Kills Sorrow: “Was It You?”
Aoife O’Donovan: “Glowing Heart”
The Hunts: “Beloved”

6 Responses to “Life Lessons: Don’t Waste the Sauce”

  1. I got chased out of a McDonald’s once by 4 employees. They had spatulas.
    Ricky Anderson recently posted..2013 Blogging All-Star ChallengeMy Profile

  2. floyd says:

    Sometimes the best lessons are learned the hard way! You gotta love a gold old fashioned hot headed foreigner! “You waste the sauce?”
    “Huuuuuuh, no sir, it was my friend here…”
    floyd recently posted..WHEN LOSING WINSMy Profile

    • philip says:

      Lol Floyd I tried to keep the foreign factor out of it, I guess maybe it was more obvious than I thought. 🙂

  3. Yeah, he wasn’t fired. He was taken to a psychiatric care facility. You sent the pour guy over the edge. I believe he may have become a super-villain who has now vowed to destroy the Batman. Not the most compelling origin story, but hey, they can’t all be winners. 🙂
    Jason Stasyszen recently posted..Religion and Easy AnswersMy Profile